Phil's Vacation: Day +7

I had a great day again hanging out with friends, Ruby and even skyped with Ocean and Iris! Also, Dr. J stopped by for a visit, which was pretty awesome. I don't talk much about Dr. J, but I think very highly of him as a person, researcher and care provider. He is extremely passionate about finding a cure for all Multiple Myeloma patients; which is a big reason we chose him as our oncologist. I don't think my experience would be as positive if it was not for him and his staff. He gets a Dominate Sticker for being so flippin' brilliant.

Transplant Tip of the Day: Eat and drink what you can, not what you can't. My first transplant I was very inhibited by my throat sore; therefore, only soft mushy foods were good to swallow. So I eventually learned to order the same meal three times a day! The chemo really shocks my appetite to the point where only super salty or super sweet things are even desirable; on top of the fact that I have no hunger whatsoever. So I have learned to eat and drink the things that give me enough calories to keep my body weight from dropping any more than 10 lbs. The first transplant I managed to maintain even weight!

A quick update on Dominate shirts. Zak is going to have a shirt packaging party for anyone who wants to participate. All volunteers will get a free dominate shirt for helping him out. If you are interested, email Zak at Zak at cancerkicker dot org. If you haven't gotten your shirt yet, today is your day! Just click here: DominateGear.com

It's not the Dex...this time

I was awaken at 3:03 AM with all guns a blazing ready to take on the world. I haven't done this since my Dex days and I want to say it feels good! I have sent a number of emails, posted a bunch of comments on Facebook and even got a blog post out of it!

I feel like I haven't updated folks lately on my whereabouts and that's probably because I still can't even recall what happened on Wednesday and Thursday. I am blaming the Ativan for inhibiting my recollection of those days events, rather than the Cytoxan. Although I am open to blaming chemo drugs for doing bad things :)

We are about a week away from stem collection and two weeks away from transplant. My neupogen shots kickoff today and I am excited to start producing a bunch of baby stem cells which hold my future.

I have been harboring some deeper emotions lately, mainly do to having to prepare and give a TEDx talk at the University of Michigan. They did a recording of my talk and they will present it at the event on April 10th, which actually coincides with the day I'll probably get my little stem cells back and also the big Relay for Life event on campus.

As for the emotions, I won't go into them in too much detail because I honestly haven't gone into them in too much detail myself. Given that I am so go-go, when I pause to consider being ejected from this world and leaving my son behind it just rips my heart to pieces. The thought of my little guy, who is now four, not recalling memories of me nor having the opportunity to play soccer together and go for runs is unbearable to think about. I find it a little healthy to ponder....

It's very easy to be inpatient with Ocean (and Iris who is 2 for that matter) and forget the joy that is available in the present moment with them. Our kids are truly amazing and I look forward to many more years with them.

So I started out talking about Dex and then finished with my kids. Sometimes I feel like my kids are on dex full-time! The End.

Here's a photo of Ocean looking "Dexy"

Oh boy...

...it's a girl!

We had our ultrasound this morning and saw a beautiful, sleepy little girl curled up and using her placenta as a pillow. Awwwww. Toward the end she gave us a little thumbs-up as if to say, "It's cool, you guys. I got this."

This pregnancy is SO different from the other two. First, I'm carrying much higher and more compactly than I did with Ocean or Iris. I can still wear regular jeans (just bigger ones) which wasn't a possibility past 12 weeks with Ocean, and about 9 weeks with Iris. Really.

Also, this one is QUIET. She kind of rolls around from time to time or gives me a little thump to let me know she's there, whereas at this point with both the others it was like a freaking three-ring-circus inside my uterus. The ultrasound tech called her stubborn because she wouldn't move. I prefer to think that she's laid-back. I'm freaking due for one of those, for crying out loud.

Also, the profile didn't scream PHIL! like the other two did. At least not to the same degree. So maybe this one will look more like me...? A mother with long pregnancies and what feels like even longer labors can hope.

The name we will keep to ourselves until she arrives. I'd love to tell the kids, but then everyone would know. So they'll have to wait as well. They both seem content with the idea of another girl and I'm looking forward to seeing how she blends with the entity which we call OceanIris. (Ocean, by himself, is fabulous. So is Iris. Together? Holy Shnikes. Put on a helmet, get the hose ready and don't look directly at it or you might turn into a pile of ash.)

We'll close with a photo of our newest dominator.