Monday, August 8, 2016


On 8/8/08, Phil got his multiple myeloma diagnosis. Today marks the eight year anniversary of that diagnosis. To mark the significance of today, I have assembled a list of eight eights that I never could have envisioned on this day eight years ago.

1. Ruby. We decided in 8/09 to try for a third kid. She was carried and born in the middle of the chaos and ended up being one of the greatest joys of my existence.

2. At age 8, Iris has read all 8 Harry Potter books. Random, but she was only 8 months old when Phil was diagnosed. It's awesome getting to see who these kids are turning out to be.

3. 8 hours a day of time for myself. Kids in school = life changing. I'm not the mom who cries on the first day of school. I love my children, but I'm a better parent when they are away from me most of the day.

4. 44 months at Torrent. (4+4=8. That counts, right?) During treatment I couldn't envision Phil feeling well enough to return to work. Now he has realized his dreams of being an entrepreneur. And business at Torrent is good! Pretty sweet.

5. Joy. Joy in suffering didn't really happen for me. The kindness and help of family, friends and strangers was profoundly moving and helpful but I wasn't able to rejoice in my suffering. Sorry/Not sorry. It was hard. But I'm glad to say that joy has returned to my life in many forms, 8 ways to Sunday.

6. Fear has subsided. I used to carry so much anxiety around and thought it would always be that way. I still struggle but 8 times out of ten in the face of something scary I feel strong and capable instead of pressed and beaten down.

7. 8 Hours of Sleep. Three babies in quick succession. Multiple hospital visits. I was in a constant state of sleep deprivation. I thought sleep would never happen again. It does! Almost every night!

8. 8 days a week don't feel like a gift. I thought I would begin to appreciate each moment of every day and never take anything for granted. I still yell at the kids and have completely unproductive days, and honestly life feels pretty mundane most of the time. But hey, it's real. It's normal. I'll take it.

Here's to eight more years!