Wednesday, February 26, 2014

Here we go again...

Hey all! It's Cassie. Long time no blog. My bad. But hey. HEY. Look what arrived in the mail today...

"I love my Fed Ex guy, because he's a drug dealer and doesn't even know it." -Mitch Hedberg

Phil begins Revlimid today, again. Just to refresh you all, Revlimid is one of the chemo drugs that he took after his transplants. It's an oral chemo that has minimal side effects (for chemo, anyway) and he gets to take it at home which means no trips to the infusion center. Yay for simplification!

I think the plan is to keep Phil on Rev indefinitely, and then at some point we will do another stem cell collection. But we'll cross that bridge when we come to it, and keep you all posted. In the mean time, life continues as usual, just with a little more pill-popping than usual. As the Revlimid starts doing its job we will keep our eyes peeled for any side effects so we don't have a repeat of the stomach lava situation of 2009. Oy vey.

Thank you, everyone, for your warm thoughts and prayers. We're disappointed that we have to think about myeloma again after such a brief interlude, but our spirits are good and we are going forward with hope that this will knock that m-spike back down to zero for a good long time. Ka-pow.

First dose, down the hatch.

Monday, February 17, 2014

Cancer Sucks - From a Sister's Perspective

Cancer Sucks. After hearing about my brothers resent update on MM (Multiple Myeloma) I have a constant thought in my head of cancer. Why? Why him? Will they find a cure? When will I have to say good-bye to my brother? I hate these thoughts, I hate thinking of it. After dominating a year of not having a trace of MM my brother received upsetting news that the horrible crap is back. And since then it's been the only thing on my mind.

Whether you are someone who has cancer, who have dominated it or someone who is walking aside a mother, father, brother, sister, aunt, uncle, friend, etc. who has this horrible thing we call cancer.....long story short....CANCER SUCKS.

I have been fortunate to become great friends with one of my co-workers who also found out that his Mother's cancer is back. Once he told me about that I shared my brothers story with him. And he felt bad for me. And all I could think about after he said that is that I feel bad for him. It doesn't matter what cancer is worse or who is battling it harder. Cancer is cancer and like I said before and I will forever...CANCER SUCKS.

And then yesterday I was waiting on a table of 2 couples both in their upper 70s. We got in a conversation of tattoos. As they got up and were about to leave the sweet lady grabbed my hand and said, "I see your tattoo." With a cute smirk on her face. I love telling the story of my tattoo.

For you who don't know ,I have Dominate tattooed on my wrist. My brother had Dominate bracelets made when he was diagnosed with MM. So instead of wearing the bracelet everyday I got it tattooed on my wrist so I have the constant reminder of DOMINATING life.

After I told the sweet lady of my brothers journey her eyes filled with tears and she told me that last week she was given the horrible news that she has kidney failure. She told me that her Dr checked it 3 times cause he even couldn't believe it. She told me that she can't even tell me when the last time she was sick, that the last time she had a cold was over 20 years ago. She was healthy, always ate right and took care of herself.

Sharing our stories was so touching.

May 2001
I told her about my feelings. Why my brother? Straight A kid growing up. A kid who pushed everything he did to the limits and beyond. Played Football at U of M.  Married a beautiful woman, got blessed with 3 ridiculously awesome rocking kids. Works hard to support his family.  Goes to church. And even though he has this crappy cancer he still wakes up everyday thinking ....Who can I help today?

Why, Why him?

And I came to this conclusion............God only gives you what you can handle. And I truly believe that.

When Phil was diagnosed in 2008, all I could think about was why didn't I get it? I wasn't a straight A student and I definitely wasn't the "perfect" teenager. Why give it to him and not me?

But watching and walking with my brother in his journey...I get it now. I couldn't handle it if it was me who had this crappy thing we call cancer. My brother can. He is without a doubt the strongest man I have ever met.

And there is no doubt in my mind that even though as of today there is no cure for MM..
...he will dominate it
...he will watch his kids grow them all graduate college and get married and have grandkids of his own!

Our family is strong....for god's sake WE ARE BRABBS.. #Dominate


(youngest sister out of four)

Wednesday, February 12, 2014

Can you help me Speak up?

I have been encouraged by many people to (1) do more motivational speaking and (2) write a book.

Oh, how ironic this is for the one time kid who decided to study engineering for the sole purpose of not having to read, write or speak in class, let alone give a speech to a captive audience of more than two people, one being my mom. 

The fact I even blog as frequently as I do is nothing short of a miracle. I preferred calculus to pouring my thoughts into words, sentences, and paragraphs onto pages. Give me a soccer ball, football, baseball or even some crayons or a paintbrush; but a book, some reading glasses and some paper and thank you.

With the resurgence of Myeloma in me, I feel a conviction to speak boldly once again. I have captured a perspective on life at such a young age that many people in their old(er) age are just discovering. In a lot of ways I feel very fortunate, while at the same time, feeling held captive to this disease inside of me. Speaking helps me process, it is very therapeutic, and brings me purpose to live with this disease and push to dominate it. In the end, I think there is a book here, but I need to live it out some more. I need to share the story some more to discover the pearls.

So I need your help. I want to speak, I want to share, I want to take this show on the road, so to speak, but I don't know how. Yes, I have done motivational speaking at very large venues. I am experienced, but I have never pushed this, it's all just happened. People request that I speak, and I speak.

I now want to be more proactive. I want to speak to large organizations and small; all who are interested. I want to speak to congregations and high schoolers, to blue chip companies and the latest non-profit. All of which I have done, but I want to do it more. More than ever, I feel a sense of urgency and an obligation.

How can you help? Well... I need some direction on how to move this forward. I don't have an agent, I don't have a website, I sure don't have a book... all I have is my story. The story has been picked up by ESPN, NBC, Sports Illustrated and many news sources... all none of my doing. 

I do have a one pager that highlights my story, my experience speaking and gives some cliff notes on the message I bring. (check it out by clicking here

How do you advise, recommend, suggest I move forward in taking this show on the road? Well, not too much time on the road because I have a blossoming business (Go Torrent!) and a lovely family I need to focus on! (email any thoughts to phil @ cancerkicker dot org)

Thanks!! -Phil

Dear Tom

Letter to Tom Brokaw:


First and foremost, I am sorry that you have to carry this burden. My heart is with you and your loved ones, as are my thoughts and prayers.

One year after being diagnosed at the rare age of 28, I decide I need to (1) aggressively treat this disease and (2) open up to all that will listen to share my journey with Myeloma to help build awareness for a disease that doesn't get much airtime, although it affects many each year.

I encourage you in being bold in your fight, but also helping all those who have gone before and will be diagnosed after. You have an opportunity to shed light on a disease that is dark, but is losing its power every passing year thanks to the advancements in treatments.

I went for the game winning kick almost 5 years ago (or maybe it was more like a two point conversion); which is the only way I know how to live due to my indoctrination as placekicker at the University of Michigan. We just recently realized that it didn't produce a cure, and rather than winning in regulation, we are now going into overtime.

Simply put, I am both mad and sad. My kids are roughly 8, 6, and 4. I had hoped that Myeloma would be no more than a name given to my children's Myeloma buddies that they snuggled with as very little ones. Now, it looks like they are going to be pulled into this journey as I begin treatment again. I feel like they are losing their innocence to this disease. I want them to fear not, Daddy is here, he will be okay.

Your diagnosis in a strange way brings more hope than ever to me; to thousands of others I bet too. One man once told me I was given this rare gift (of Myeloma) as an opportunity to bring hope to others. I wasn't exactly sure what he meant at the time. I share the same word with you. You are strong enough to carry this burden, and through your journey, your story, you have an opportunity serve and help many. It's a paradox, but I think there is some wisdom there.

Lastly, you have joined a faMMily of brothers, sisters, mothers, fathers, aunts, uncles and cousins; that you never knew existed. This coMMunity is loving, caring and they will be there for you every step of the way. Lean on theMM.

You will doMMinate, we are with you.

-Phil & FaMMily

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Thursday, February 6, 2014

What's your Mountain?

When I think about my journey with an incurable cancer, I can't help to think that everyone is dealing with some sort of cancer. Whether a broken relationship, an absent parent or a rare disease like cancer, we all have something that is nagging us, no one is left unharmed in this world.

Knowing this gives me personal comfort in that I am not alone, and even greater, I feel a sense of community, a sense of shared purpose to overcome the darkness.

One year ago I took what I hoped to be my last dose of chemotherapy. I had been cancer free for a year and completed 3.5 years of treatment. I was sick of being sick and ready to dominate life without this disease; with out a daily dose of chemo.

Well, almost one year after stopping treatment, I sat in the doctor's office on Wednesday to learn that my Myeloma is officially back and measurable. The last few blood tests showed a trace amount, but it wasn't even significant enough to measure.

As the news starts to circulate, I start to get the, "I am soooooooo sorry to hear this." This morning I received a text from one of my best friends that said, "Dude, I just heard about your M spike that you obviously didn't tell me about while I was whining about my much less important garbage. You guys holding up okay?"

My response back to my good friend, "I didn't want to detract from the conversation. Myeloma has consumed us for many years, no need to have it dominate our conversation last night."

You see, I want people to not look at my mountain as harder or more significant that the mountain in their own life. More important, I want to be able to support others, especially those close to me in their efforts to overcome their own difficult and uncertain journey.

So how am I doing? I am hanging in there, but how are you doing? How's your marriage? How's your relationship with your daughter? How are you living out your strengths? What's holding you back in life, in your career? What changes do you need to make?

Myeloma, yes, it has returned...but we have climbed this mountain before and we will scale it again. But what about your mountain?


(Thanks mom for the Dr. Seuss quote, it inspired this post)