Tuesday, January 4, 2011

Drug Free and why I can be an Idiot

I am coming back to life. Each day I feel better as my cough lessens. I must say I don't know if I would survive this world without the support of my family. Cassie and my mom were champs on being the voice of reason while my health was fleeting on Christmas Eve. I was pretty much an idiot in my response to seeking help. Cassie was very kind in her last post not to call me out too much. I still remember lying on the couch aching and burning up telling Cassie that all I needed was a cold shower and a nap and I would feel much better. Caregivers out there, you have a tough job if your patient is anything like me.

Why such an idiot? Don't you realize you have had roughly 15 months of treatment, two transplants and we're heading into cold and flu season? Cassie and I reviewed this question while I was in the hospital in order to have an action plan if my stubborn and ignorant personality comes out again while my body is crying for help. We've boiled down my naive and ignorant response as a result of years of intense physical training in sports; specifically as a Wolverine. It's not an acceptable excuse, but years of beating my body down to the point where it has zero say has definitely skewed my ability to answer the question, "How are you feeling?" We have noticed that as long as my pain or discomfort isn't extremely high, I tend to respond with I am doing fine.

Due to the recent bout with pneumonia and the flu, Cycle #6 has been derailed and I am drug free until we begin maintenance mid-January. I look forward to see how things go as we pull back the drugs and allow my bone marrow some rest from the beating.

I hope everyone had a Merry Christmas and wonderful New Year. Cheers and Domination in 2011. May it be a year of healing and great hope for us all!!!



Linda said...

So good to see you back Phil! Definately a scare for everyone I'm sure, and a lesson learned for all you "tough guys" out there! May 2011 be a year of healing and restoration for lots of fighters who are dominating MM!

rose said...

Glad you and Cassie have an action plan! I tell families/caregivers to just call the doc/PA/NP and let them be the "bad" guy/gal to decide when a patient needs medical help. A 70 yr old patient's son thanked me profusely for telling him to take his mom to ER when she was having pneumonia-type symptoms. He was so relieved to not be the "bad" guy, once again. We all ignore things, until we can't. So glad you have a wonderful family/team surrounding you who care enough to not let you ignore things too long. Glad you're feeling better!

Anonymous said...

It's such a fine line between being sensible and thinking your being maud. Sometimes I find myself pushing on regardless because to take it easy would be giving in to the myeloma.

Glad your feeling better! :D

tim's wife said...

A bout with sepsis should definitely send the message home about how serious a sustained or high fever is in an MM'er. Fear not Cassie, they get better about toddling off to the doctors. Even my macho brut
goes without too much fuss these days and he NEVER listens to me
about anything else. ;o)

Preferred Customer/ Janice said...

Glad you are back at it. I have one of you here and I stand between him and his silly "macho' decisions, it rarely goes away Cassie so keep the big stick handy.
Phil I would think about the timing of my next treatment ??? you need to really get your strength back. Another big hit on your immune system can cause a set back, waiting an extra week or two will get you back on your feet. Be well!!!

Big EZ said...

Phil, after 35 years of marriage to a wonderful lady and now even more important as my loving caregiver, I have learned the two most important words I can ever use with her: "Yes dear". As men, we want to be the tough action hero that leads the family through any difficulty with "damn the torpedoes, full speed ahead". However, with MM we need to realize that they see us with loving eyes from a different perspective. Letting Linda steer the ship on my health concerns has been absolutely the best decision I every made (except 36 years ago when I decided to ask her a special question and she said yes). We are so glad you are doing better. Full speed ahead Cassie!

Preferred Customer/ Janice said...

We all can be "idiots" but you are young man who is having trouble coming to grips with you diminished state and want it to be normal again.
Don't we all but unfortunately we cannot turn the clock back we have to push on and do the best we can. We all make mistakes and overdo but there is that fine line between thinking we are giving in and having commonsense. Common sense is not common. However Phil you are such a great warrior I am sure you will figure this out and have a happy and healthy life.