A couple of weeks ago I shared my life story with 100 Concordia Unviersity Football players, mainly freshman. Everytime I share my story I have a hard time not brining the waterworks as I recount my life's journey over the last 10 years which is covered with tradegy and much darkness; the recent being my battle with an incurable (soon to be dominated) blood cancer.Last week I got the news that a college friend of mine and mentor of mine had a stillbirth. Cassie and I were deeply hurt by the news. It is just another example of how really bad stuff happens all the time, even to very blessed people who are a blessing to others.
I'll admit, I have not read all of Job and maybe scanned it a couple of times, but today I dusted off a bible and started reading. I just got a snapshot of part of Job's fight with darkness and it is wretched. The dude got punked, roughed up and thrown to the wolves. I think a lot of us feel like this and have experiences that leave us thinking, "What the hell God, why this sh**?!?! Is God really Love?"
So where do we go from here?? Job gets roughed up, my friends go through what I think to be one of the worst experiences first time parents could ever go through and I am still left with a cancer in my body that still wants to fight.
All I can think of is seek capital l....Love, and lean not on our own understanding which will inevitably lead to despair.
Love has a path, may we find it in whatever extreme darkness we maybe facing.
3 comments:
If Job was around today, I am sure he would have you sending him a "Dominate" bracelet to show that he never gives up... I am reminded that another 'Job(s)' never gave up either, and on the day he was passing over and through that Green Door, his last words were "Wow. Wow. Wow." We don't know what is coming, but we do have today to share the Love and for me, that is the singular task of each day. Thanks for the reminder!
Hi, Phil:
I'm so very sorry to hear of your close friends' sad, tragic news. Peace, comfort and healing to them.
Job sure did have it rough. He lost his possessions, his family, his health, all the while refusing to curse God. Others around Job counseled him to turn his back on God and die. But true to the adage, he showed the 'patience of Job', held firm in his faith and he was given much (restored health, a new family, more possessions) in the remainder of his days.
You and I can't pretend or reasonably expect that we will have the strength of Job's convictions. But we can try. Ultimately it is God's strength in our weakness that will carry us through our battle with myeloma.
No matter what the road ahead has for us, God will dominate our infirmity.
Thanks for showing us your strength, your frailty, and your faith. Reaching out to help others in the midst of your own pain, is a measure of one whom thinks beyond himself. You've been given much, both good and bad, Phil, and the world is a better place because you are in it. Take care, friend! Sean
I cannot imagine the sense of loss your friends must feel. My heart breaks for them and often, there just are no words. However, other parents who have suffered the loss of a precious child may be able to help in the struggle. I wanted to share a link to a blog my daughter's friend started when they were told their little girl had amencephaly, a non-life giving condition where if she made it to term, she wasn't expected to live more than a few minutes. Her family's faith was incredible and such a testimony. Maggie's story is beautifully chronicled on maggiekarina.blogspot.com. One of the songs they clung to is "If You Want Me To" by Ginny Owens. Sometimes we have to walk through the valley if He wants us to. God's strength in our weakness WILL carry us through, as Sean so aptly put it. Praying for this precious couple as they grieve...
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