One thing I have realized about living with and being around
those affected by cancer, is it has the tendency to pull out a lot of raw emotion. Although I
try to steer towards positive emotions by driving on the path of optimism,
filled with hope, I at times will hit a bump in the road, that sends me a
little off track.
This was one of those weeks where Myeloma got under my skin.
To be honest, I can probably count on one hand the times Myeloma pissed me off.
I can’t explain for certain why this count has been so low, but I have my
theories. One being, I have personally chosen not to “fight” the disease in the
traditional sense. I am not looking to muster up additional gusto to “battle”
with Multiple Myeloma. Rather, I am choosing to #dominateLife, which may help me to be more positive and not get pulled into the negative thoughts
that surround anyone fighting to live for another day, week,
month or year. The struggle for me
is held deeply within as I try to live a life that contains passion and fulfillment
to a greater purpose; clinging the moments and time that I can still have a little say in.
BUT, then every once in a while the raw emotions such as
anger and sadness will come knocking on my door; and they are unavoidable. I struggle to contain these
emotions because I don’t have much experience in this department. Simply put, I
feel mad and sad at the same time and I don’t know which came first. I do know
that the root of it is watching others with Multiple Myeloma (and cancer in
general) get knocked off the road and at times crash very quickly and painfully.
The longer on this journey, the more I am presented with the reality that
people die of Multiple Myeloma, and they die young.
Keep on the path, be real and dominate what life you have
left,
-Phil
#CancerKicker
4 comments:
Phil you took the words right from my mouth. I have also lately been pretty pussed at Myeloma. I tend to be a positive person, but I find myself mad and sad especially during the late hours of the night when I should be sleeping. I have 4 awesome kids and a amazingly supportive husband and I'm mad that they need to worry about me. Although I am in "remission" today with the help of Revlimid maintenance I worry about when my numbers will climb again. I too am choosing to dominate but I am sad every time I read of another fellow MM who has lost their battle. All we can do is enjoy today and carry on! Jeanie
Phil you took the words right from my mouth. I have also lately been pretty pussed at Myeloma. I tend to be a positive person, but I find myself mad and sad especially during the late hours of the night when I should be sleeping. I have 4 awesome kids and a amazingly supportive husband and I'm mad that they need to worry about me. Although I am in "remission" today with the help of Revlimid maintenance I worry about when my numbers will climb again. I too am choosing to dominate but I am sad every time I read of another fellow MM who has lost their battle. All we can do is enjoy today and carry on! Jeanie
Once again Phil you have expressed what so many with MM feel. It's hard to rest easy with the monster lurking around the corner. Thanks for keeping it real and keep dominating! You always inspire others to do the same.
Hi Phil... Having played sports at such a high level you've heard more than a fair share of inspirational talks... I'm not going there.
I've been working this gig for ten years now. A sharp family doctor suspicious of a 'popped cartlidge' in my rib cage found it. A month later, Jan. 6 of 2003, to be precise, a plasmacytoma was removed from my chest followed by 2 radiation cycles and I was good to go. Complete response for 4 years then, radiation on my spine, revlimed and dex therapy which worked for another few years.
Since early May I've had three cycles of velcade with dex and will have my first sct (auto) scheduled for September 4th. So until now I've been playing minor league ball, but as I'm being moved up to the "show" I find I'm just a bit weary.
Like you and most of our brothers and sisters in this community, I'm not giving in, I'll not despair but will continue to lean forward and live the days as best I can. There are frequently great days.
But sometimes we just get tired and it's good to talk about it, feel it and then regain our footing stepping forward into the wind. Often a warm, sun bright summer breeze but at times, a hard,frigid, penetrating blast that knocks us back on our heals.
It's how we play the next instant that matters I think.
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