We got the okay to bring Ocean up to visit Phil last night. They were both beside themselves with excitement and Ocean just made himself right at home in Phil's hospital bed.
This bed isn't like our beds at home. It has a lot of stuff behind it.
Ocean packed some pretzel sticks and string cheese into his backpack for the two of them and they snacked while watching Fly Me To The Moon on Netflix. Ocean's favorite part of the whole night was adjusting the hospital bed over and over and over, until Phil started to feel queasy.
When we got ready to leave Ocean asked if Daddy was coming too. I told him no, Daddy has to stay at the hospital for a few more days, but maybe we can come back for another movie night soon. Then I gave him a sucker because I felt bad.
We haven't ever, not once, said to the kids that Phil is sick. We never use the word "cancer" around them. They are both very young and most of this is way over their heads. Ocean is also at the age where he is starting to become aware of dangers and he struggles at bedtime with fear of the dark, fear of being alone, fear of monsters. I don't want to add any more fears to that list.
So when I was buckling him into the car and he blindsided me with
Is Daddy still sick?
I closed his door and walked around to the driver's side. I took a deep breath. "Don't over-share," I reminded myself. (I tend to do that.)
Ocean: Is Daddy still sick, Mom?
Me: Daddy is still sick, but he's getting better.
Ocean: Where did he get his germs?
Me: Daddy's kind of sick doesn't have germs. Daddy's kind of sick just makes him feel tired. That's why he gets to rest in his hospital bed for a few days. So he can get better and play soccer with you.
Ocean: This sucker is gooooood.
As we were exiting the parking structure Ocean asked me what I was going to do with my parking ticket. I told him I have to give it to the lady and pay some money. He asked if I have a lot of parking tickets and I told him I get one every time I come, which is a LOT.
But Mommy, you should be grateful for what you already have.
As if I'm hoarding tickets. I smiled, and told him that I don't get to keep the tickets, that I always have to give them back when I leave. But that I am, in fact, very grateful for what I have. He said lots of parking tickets could make a cool art project. I agreed.
This morning Ocean wanted to come back and see Phil again, and he got kind of teary-eyed when I told him he couldn't. But my mom gave him a new Diego coloring book and he perked up. And yes, I am aware that we are totally trying to buy his happiness right now. Desperate times, people.
I got here this morning and Phil had already walked three miles. He also asked for a stationary bike to be brought to his room and it just arrived. I told him to take it easy and he looked at me blankly and then said, "...Yeah."
His counts are bottoming out and his immune system should be gone tomorrow. He has a nurse who is working to get Phil's counts back up so he can get out of here quickly (safely, of course... with lots of protein shakes, moderate (ha!) exercise, the right anti-nausea meds given at the right intervals with food) and it's exactly the motivation that Phil needs, as you can imagine.
I'll leave you with a little video that the Brabbs men shot last night.