Sunday, March 21, 2010

It's not the Dex...this time

I was awaken at 3:03 AM with all guns a blazing ready to take on the world. I haven't done this since my Dex days and I want to say it feels good! I have sent a number of emails, posted a bunch of comments on Facebook and even got a blog post out of it!

I feel like I haven't updated folks lately on my whereabouts and that's probably because I still can't even recall what happened on Wednesday and Thursday. I am blaming the Ativan for inhibiting my recollection of those days events, rather than the Cytoxan. Although I am open to blaming chemo drugs for doing bad things :)

We are about a week away from stem collection and two weeks away from transplant. My neupogen shots kickoff today and I am excited to start producing a bunch of baby stem cells which hold my future.

I have been harboring some deeper emotions lately, mainly do to having to prepare and give a TEDx talk at the University of Michigan. They did a recording of my talk and they will present it at the event on April 10th, which actually coincides with the day I'll probably get my little stem cells back and also the big Relay for Life event on campus.

As for the emotions, I won't go into them in too much detail because I honestly haven't gone into them in too much detail myself. Given that I am so go-go, when I pause to consider being ejected from this world and leaving my son behind it just rips my heart to pieces. The thought of my little guy, who is now four, not recalling memories of me nor having the opportunity to play soccer together and go for runs is unbearable to think about. I find it a little healthy to ponder....

It's very easy to be inpatient with Ocean (and Iris who is 2 for that matter) and forget the joy that is available in the present moment with them. Our kids are truly amazing and I look forward to many more years with them.

So I started out talking about Dex and then finished with my kids. Sometimes I feel like my kids are on dex full-time! The End.

Here's a photo of Ocean looking "Dexy"


Nerissa Picadizo said...

Hey Phil,

I’m sure you will reach a VERY old age where your kids are all grown up with their own families and they are still hyper around you :) ;)

Lots of Health & Support your way,

Lorna said...

Ocean reminds me of my son Chris, nickname Tigger, cos that boy started bouncing the day he could stand up and never seemed to stop. He's 19 now and slightly less dexy thank goodness.
Stay positive, I believe you have many more years of dexy kids! (Good luck with that! lol)

Anonymous said...

I'm hopefully busy producing stem cells as I type. If I could knit them we'd all be okay. Looks like mine will be going back in a couple of days after yours so we will be in solitary confinement at the same time - I'll wave!

Tracie said...

Phil, I follow your blog and FB. I don't post much, but just wanted to thank you for sharing your journey! sending you lots of prayers as you dominate this stem cell transplant :)
Your kids are adorable, by the way :)