Wednesday, November 11, 2009


Our friend Moira posted this awesome article on her Facebook page and I totally swiped it. While many of my friends are married to awesome purse-holder types, many are still single and looking for Mr. or Miss Marriage Material and this... this is something not many people think about when they are considering what qualities are important in a soulmate/mate/date/whatever. When I was dating I thought these were things that you might think about when you're 75 years old with many decades of healthy wedded bliss under your belt to get you through the inevitable health crises, not something you should think about in your teens, twenties, thirties.

For us, In Sickness And In Health is being cashed in much earlier than either Phil or I anticipated. We were married for under two years and had a five-month-old when he got his pulmonary embolism. He was diagnosed with myeloma before our fourth anniversary. Now I sit by and helplessly watch him get worse in order to get better. While I never considered the purse-holder quality while we were dating, I'm very thankful that Phil and I made a marriage decision based not only upon Love, but equally upon our shared values and perspectives, our respect for one another and our desire and willingness to run/walk/crawl this life race together until death parts us. Phil doesn't have a purse, but I sure can fetch a bucket in record speed. And if the situation were reversed I know Phil would hold my purse, my hand and my hair back. He's good like that. And that's how I know it's Love... because infatuation only gets you so far when puke is involved.


Kindred Spirit said...

What a beautiful post, Cassie! I'm praying for you and Phil and your children; may God bless you all.

Julie said...

You guys have wisdom beyond your years. Sometimes it only comes through tough times....and you are learning these things much earlier than most folks. You are a great example of grace under fire...and love in the midst of puke.
Standing with you in prayer..and whatever else is helpful.

Phil said...

Although you weren't speedy enough to catch my puke last night (all four episodes). It was delightful to wake up this morning with a pillow behind my head, rather than the position I passed out in. Also, I appreciate you checking my temperature to rule out any other illness.

Thanks my love.

Jennifer said...

I agree with all that you are saying. Several people have told me that they would have left their husbands had they been in my situation (1 year into a marriage and myeloma happens). It never crossed my mind. I think our marriage is better because we came out of a bad situation smiling (as much as one can while sick). It also gave him an appreciation of what it was like to be pregnant:) Keep up the fight and the inspirational thoughts. GO BLUE!

Anonymous said...

You are so lucky to have each other!

At the end of his illness, Richard once asked me how I could stand to stay with him. He had torn a piece of skin off his arm and bled all over the carpet. He didn't even realize he had done it and there was lots of blood,even clots,,,gross.

It had never occurred to me that I would leave ever him. My answer was "Would you have done the same for me?"

I wish you 38 years together as we had.


tim's wife said...

Yeah, "used food"(as my sister calls it) sure will seperate the men from the boys
pretty quickly(or the women from the girls). And FYI Phil, though
the nausea meds may be working only marginally now, I will let you in on the fact that when you're not on chemo and you want to
fast track a hangover outta there, 2 tylenols and 1 Ativan
dominates a hangover like nobody's business. Worked like a charm for Tim last year after our X-mas party. He was out cold for 6 hours and woke up feeling super fine though not knowing what day it was! :o)

Phil said...

K.S., Julie, Jennifer, TK, T.W. - Y'all Rock! It's great to know that there are many folks who have gone before us and have made it to the other side stronger.

T.W's- Thanks for the hangover treatment advice. I already have my bottle of wine selected once this Myeloma is behind us, so I'll be sure to have an Ativan and some tylenol on reserve.

Jennifer- Dude, I could never be pregnant. I'll run a marathon, but carry a baby for 9.5 months...thank you Lord for the gender you have chosen for me.

TK- Sounds like Richard had one fine lady taking care of him.

Julie- "Standing with you in prayer..and whatever else is helpful." I love that! Jesus definitely did a lot of praying, but it was his actions that caught the eye of the world. I can definitely say that many people of taking up the "whatever else is helpful" piece and it has been such a blessing. We have been munching on leftovers for over a week now! God is good.

K.S. - I don't know you, but I LIKE YOU! Thanks for journeying with us in word and in spirit.

Roobeedoo said...

Well I know everyone looked on in horror as my First Love and I staggered into the Registry Office 6 months after he was diagnosed with MM, but 30 years after we fell in love. *shrugs* Sometimes there is nothing else for it but to Stand By Your Man (cue cheesy karaoke) and what better way to show your commitment to each other than to marry?

Becky said...

A-men. I think that now is when the rubber hits the road. Whatever that means. But I love this post and I want to give a big "Hear hear!"

Aviva said...

Awwww, that was just beautiful.

I knew my husband was a keeper when he wasn't disgusted when I came down with e coli about a year into our dating. He's definitely a "in sickness and in health" kind of guy.

I'm glad you guys are for each other, too!

Anonymous said...

you guys are a sweet team, for sure.

praying for you guys and checking in on you often from NC. let the domination continue!